 How Better Self-Care Can Improve Your Eating Habits
- Does life feel overwhelming and exhausting, with no time to recharge?
- Do you find it hard to focus on yourself and your basic needs?
- Do you push yourself to the limits, whilst knowing in the back of your mind that you’re desperately in need of some emotional and physical replenishment?
- Does healthy eating often drop to the bottom of your priority list?
It’s easy to underestimate how stressful living and poor self-care can impact a person’s relationship with food and eating habits. Yet modern living can make it very hard to take time out and focus on ourselves. From my experience of working with clients, many people are poor at self-care. Their focus is on anything but themselves.
It’s possible to adopt some self-care practises if we take the pressure off ourselves, stop feeling guilty about resting or self-focus, and manage anxious thoughts about what could collapse elsewhere if we shift the attention to ourselves. Once you become aware of how your own attitude, beliefs and automatic behaviours and responses can keep you stuck in a state of overwhelm, stress and unhelpful eating habits, you can start making positive changes. If we’re invested in striving for a more balanced life, it’s possible to achieve emotional and physical replenishment.
 The Multiple Hats We Wear
Many people are wearing multiple hats, whether it’s the role of mother, father, wife, husband, partner, son, daughter, employee, employer, and healthy eating considerations can drop right to the bottom of the priority list. They’ve lost touch with any form of self-care, and their focus is on anything but themselves. However, they know very well the warning signs of stress for them, such as irritability, feeling the need to cry, specific physical symptoms of stress, low mood, feeling out of control or overwhelmed, poor sleep or food cravings. Some clients tell me that they feel silly that they struggle so much with eating properly, but if they’re juggling their multiple roles in life, it makes complete sense.
You, The Human Out-Of-Role
We only have so much energy and capacity, and it can be so easy to focus all our energies into just a few things. However, we run the risk of disconnecting from our core self, and this is when we can lose sight of basic self-care. A back to basics approach involves focusing on your ‘core self’, to connect to you the person, the human being out-of-role. Connect to the basic needs of this core self- once this foundation stone is in place, you will be better equipped to cope with life. Don’t feel guilty for asking yourself: “Where am I in all of this?”, or “What do I need right now?”.
Self-Care Makes Balanced Living Possible
Once our lives are more in balance, any eating or drinking issues can often subside too, because we’re not only in a happier place but we have more capacity to address them. Self-care practises can help us to achieve more balance. Self-care could be as simple as going to bed half an hour earlier so that you can have a read, shortening your to-do list, making more time for a hobby, communicating your needs to others or carving out some time each week to do some physical activity. If you find it hard to say no, or you only feel good about yourself when you’re busy and achieving, you run the risk of disconnecting from your core self- this is when we can lose sight of basic self-care.
Loneliness vs. Solitude: Solitude Deprivation
Lack of ‘me-time’, or lack of solitude can be a significant stressor. There’s a big difference between loneliness and solitude. We all need solitude, ie time to ourselves, yet modern living, particularly the online world, can make this hard to achieve. Technology means that we’re all confronted with constant contact, and noise (take adverts, for example.). The issue with mobile phones is that many of us are experiencing ‘solitude deprivation’. With that constant contact there’s usually some kind of response that needs to be made, action to be taken involving decision-making or planning. Yet humans actually crave solitude, peace and a break from decision-making and responding. If we don’t get a degree of disconnection from the every day routine we can become stale, ineffective, stressed, and even resentful. When we’re on our own and taking a break from our devices we can be in the moment, do what we want to do and not have to think about others- we can actually focus on our own needs.
We can all take simple steps to ‘unplug’ from daily living- even just a few minutes can make a big difference, and can feel empowering. Examples include listening to a meditation, stepping outside into the garden, going for a walk without a phone, reading a few pages of a book or magazine, away from technology, sitting in a peaceful room, putting some headphones on to listen to some relaxing music, putting the phone in another room or putting it on flight mode. Immersing ourselves in nature is one way to reconnect with our natural, core self.
Of course we don’t always need to be alone to re-charge our batteries- it could be that you love spending time with friends and family, but that can take up energy, so if you rarely get time to yourself it’s worth trying it and see what a bit of time by yourself feels like. Even just a few minutes of ‘unplugging’ can be restorative.
Validation-Seeking & Comfort Eating
If a person doesn’t feel good enough, this can manifest as people-pleasing or a craving for validation, for example, at work. They might crave positive feedback from others, and consequently, they find it hard to rest. Low self-worth is associated with having a strong inner critic, where that person is regularly beating themselves up for not doing a better job at something, or they constantly pick holes in their work and never feel satisfied. This is exhausting, particularly when their identity has become so tied in with success, and they fear failure. Such people might turn to food for comfort- food has become an excuse to have a break, reward themselves or decompress.
Ambitious And Successful, But A Poor Relationship With Food
I’ve worked with people who constantly strive to do well, to be top of their game. This can go back to childhood. Perhaps they were given a lot of praise whenever they did well at something. They might have had an ambitious parent who would point out if they’d just missed getting full marks in a test at school- in fact a client told me that he remembers his father saying to him: “But what about the 2 marks you missed?”. This client is now in a very prestigious, high responsibility job and told me “My dad was ambitious for me”. Whilst this client has achieved huge success in his career, he is often exhausted and overwhelmed, and is trying to juggle a top job and a family. He feels silly that he can’t make basic healthy food choices, but it’s not about silliness or incompetence, he has just never placed healthy, balanced eating on his priority list. He has lost balance in his life because his main priority has been earning money, reaching the very top of his profession and providing for his family- he’s addicted to his job, but deep-down he knows that his career-based identity has overshadowed his at-home, chilled-out self. Now, he acknowledges the importance of getting more balance in his life and is very committed to his new journey through our sessions together.
Emotional Eating Can Prevent Us From Problem-Solving
Food can become a way to escape or distract ourselves from a difficult situation, but this can be problematic because relying on food as a copying mechanism can keep us on a surface level, preventing us from problem solving. If food and feelings become too intertwined, a person’s immediate knee-jerk reaction can be to reach for food- as a result, they find it hard to not turn to food whenever they feel stressed or unhappy. We all know that food can’t fix problems, it only provides a very short-term sense of relief, often followed by guilt and shame. Problem-solving and identifying and addressing our needs is the foundation of self-care, and it can help to address emotional eating. For example, if you tend to internalise anger and eat instead of dealing with conflict, start exploring why you might have a fear of conflict, or why you think that anger is a ‘bad’ emotion, and find ways in which you can start expressing anger in a healthy way.
What Do You Do On Autopilot?
What self-destructive, stress-promoting or anxiety-provoking behaviours do you do on autopilot, and what’s the root of those behaviours? People-pleasing or finding it hard to say no is one example of how an individual can lose sight of their own needs and become physically and emotionally depleted.
Becoming more aware of your own thought processes, beliefs, attitudes, values, or any underlying fears or inner conflict can help you to start creating new strategies. For example, you might create an unrealistic to-do list every day which you never manage to complete, so having a good think about what’s realistic to achieve, and perhaps giving yourself a bit more time to get things done could help you feel less tired and more satisfied with what you’ve completed at the end of the day.
Lifestyle Management For Eating Management
‘Stress’ eating often decreases when stress is managed. It is possible to incorporate more me-time into our lives, whilst also making it clear to others what our intention is, so that they can help us to achieve it. For example, explaining to your partner that you no longer want to stay up as late as they do to watch TV, and now plan to go to bed earlier. Or perhaps you talk to them about making Sundays a slower day, where there aren’t lots of plans booked in advance. Including a few breaks in the day, setting boundaries, managing phone usage, tackling multi-tasking and overwhelming to-do lists, getting more sleep, communicating your needs to others, stocking up on healthier food and spending more quality time with friends and family are just a few key areas to address if you feel stressed, overwhelmed or unhappy.
Poor Sleep Can Negatively Impact Eating
Adequate sleep is also a key part of healthy eating habits and weight management, because lack of sleep can increase stress hormones and disrupt appetite hormones, both of which can increase appetite and lead to food cravings. Poor sleep can also lead to low mood, which can cause food cravings. Unfortunately, stress can cause sleep issues, but prioritising a good night’s sleep is really key. Creating a wind-down ritual in the evenings (such as going offline half an hour before going to bed) can help, as can strategies to help you get back to sleep if wake during the night and struggle to fall asleep again.
Evaluate How You Spend Your Time To Make Healthier Eating A Priority
Many people feel time-poor, and healthy eating considerations can drop right off the priority list- yet it’s essential to give the body the nutrients it needs to work optimally, and of course a healthy diet is an important part of maintaining good health. If you feel time-poor, with no time to food shop or do food prep, it’s worth reflecting on your life and considering what you currently give lots of time to. Do you spend a lot of time watching TV or on social media, whereas you could allocate some of that time to prepping food? Just start making small changes, and build on them. For example, it might be writing a list of foods and ensuring you stock up on them weekly, meal planning for the next 2-3 days, taking your own healthier snacks into work, adding more vegetables to meals or browsing recipes and choosing one quick and easy meal that you’ve not made before or used to make but forgot about.
Practice Some Mindful Eating
Mindful eating is about being present with the food in front of you, enjoying and appreciating it, and eating in accordance with your body’s needs. It’s also about being aware of what, how and why you eat, and checking in with yourself before and during eating. Mindful eating is also about flexibility, and giving yourself permission to eat foods you enjoy as part of a balanced diet rather than trying to avoid ‘bad’ foods- it has to be realistic and enjoyable, otherwise if you don’t allow yourself foods you love you can end up craving them. Build a personalised way of eating that takes into account your own particular preferences, needs, skills and lifestyle. Food must be enjoyable and it must sustain us, so having three satisfying meals and one of two snacks if needed can help to keep up your energy and concentration throughout the day. Avoid skipping meals- going long periods without food can lead to overeating later on, and be aware of external cues to eat, such as the office biscuits in reach and special offers on ultra-processed food. My blog post offers lots of mindful eating tips.
Connect With What’s Most Important To You
Re-evaluating our priorities by reflecting on what’s really important to us can enable us to make room for other important priorities that we might have let slip. For example, you might have lost contact with friends because you’re busy or in a new relationship, but realise that seeing your friends regularly has always been good for your mental health. Do you need to re-assess your current priorities, and cut back a bit on your workload, or other tasks and activities that eat into your time, and make room for new priorities that are perhaps more in alignment with your true values? Find ways to re-connect with what’s really important to you, as well as discarding anything that no longer serves you can help you feel more at peace because you’re living in alignment with your own true values.
Notice The Signs Of Burnout And Take Action
Start recognising when you’re reaching burnout- and act on it. What might be the warning signs for you? It might be irritability, low tolerance, physical symptoms of stress, low mood, crying a lot, feeling out of control or overwhelmed, poor sleep, food cravings. Such feelings or states of being are often due to things being out of balance, and might even signify burnout. Pay attention to those warning signs and act on them, as well as identifying the triggers, so that you can be prepared in future.
Become More At Peace With Yourself
Self-criticism, self-blame, not feeling good enough, anxiety, fear, unrealistic self-expectations, poor self-care, people-pleasing- all can be drivers of emotional eating, or disordered eating. We can end up exhausted, and turn to food either because our body is craving it to keep us going (‘survival’ eating), or because life gets so overwhelming that we might end up comfort eating. It’s really great seeing clients improve their mental health and as a result, their relationship with food. I’ve heard many people say “I’m now more at peace with food”. Food has become less of a battle. Because they’ve come to value self-care and how it can bring about emotional and physical replenishment, they’ve been able to address life issues, and food issues too.
One-To-One Sessions: if you find it hard to focus on yourself and your basic needs, and healthy eating has dropped right off your priority list, we can work together to help you improve your relationship with food and start enjoying better eating and lifestyle habits. Find out more about my one-to-one sessions or contact me for a FREE phone chat to discuss.
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